Review: 'New Year's Eve'

New Line Cinema

The poster for New Year’s Eve features not just eighteen names but eighteen photos of each of the films major stars and because of this it is clear that the film will rely heavy on just the presents of these actors. The problem is that five minutes into the film, or even sooner, it is obvious that this is a film that not only relies on a big name cast but this is all that it does. New Year’s Eve may bring some of the biggest names working today into one film but poor plots, dialogue and characters cause it to quickly become one big, annoying mess.

Let me try to explain New Year’s Eve’s so called plot. Recently appointed Vice President of the Time Square Alliance, Claire Morgan (Hillary Swank), is in charge of the New Year’s Eve Ball Drop but things don’t go has planned when the ball breaks down and she has to call in legendary electrician Kominsky (Hector Elizondo). After quitting her Job as a secretary at Adhern Records, Ingrid (Michelle Pfeiffer) offers a bike messenger by the name of Paul (Zac Efron) tickets to the record company’s Masquerade Ball if he helps her complete her list of New Year’s resolutions. Fifteen year old Hailey (Abigail Breslin) wants to be in Time Square at midnight with Seth (Jake T. Austin), a boy that she is interested in, but her mother Kim (Sara Jessica Parker) won’t allow it. Randy, a man that is disgusted with New Year’s Eve, gets stuck in an elevator with backup singer Elise (Lea Michele). Stan (Robert De Niro) is in the hospital has he is in a losing battle with cancer but refuses chemotherapy. Amiee (Halle Berry), a nurse at the hospital, stays with him during the night.

Super star musician Jenson (Jon Bon Jovi) makes sure that his ex-fiancé Laura (Katherine Heigl), a chef, is hired to cater the event he is performing at so that he can try to win her back. Sam (Josh Duhamel), an employee at Adhern records, debates on whether or not he should meet up with a woman that he met on New Year’s Eve one year prior. Expecting couple, Griffin (Seth Myers) and Tess (Jessica Beal) compete with another expecting couple, James (Til Schweiger) and Grace (Sarah Paulson), after the hospital announces that the first couple to deliver a baby in the New Year will receive twenty-five thousand dollars.

You are probably wondering if these plots are related in some way or not. They are connected by the tiniest of details. Connections such as a women in one situation is the daughter of a man in a different situation or a friend from one situation is a friend to someone in a different situation or a man in one situation is a brother to a women in a different situation. As you have probably already noticed, these are relationships that are as basic and uninteresting as the plots they are a part of.  With all its separate plots that really don’t have anything to do with one another, New Year’s Eve would have been better off as a mini-series made for television.

The handful of different situations is not the only reason New Year’s Eve would fit better on the small screen as it features sitcom-like dialogue. It tries to be so clever and funny with almost every line but fails miserably and quickly becomes cringe worthy. Everything is explained and becomes one of those movies that says so little by saying so much. So I guess my comparison to a sitcom is not fare to the good sitcoms. If New Year’s Eve were a sitcom it would be one that would last maybe a couple of episodes or wouldn’t even be picked up by a network.

The dialogue is hard to take but the characters are just as bad. If this film was judged by how consistent it is, it would receive an A+ grade as its plot (plots), dialogue and characters are equally basic. I understand that it is a romantic comedy and won’t feature Tarantino or Coen Brothers-like characters but does every one of them have to be so one note? These characters have one goal in mind and show one emotion if any.

There are several characters that are not needed but there is one character in particular that goes by the name of Piper’s Mom (Beth Kennedy) that is strictly used for comic relief but could not be less humorous. Her stalking or spying ways are so out of place and unnecessary that she is by far the most annoying character of the film which is quite an accomplishment. When describing the cast members, ‘celebrity’ could be used rather than ‘actor’ for most of them but there are three Academy Award winners among the cast so it would have been nice to see this talent given at least a speck of something to work with. For example, Robert De Niro is in a hospital bed for a majority of his screen time and the most interesting thing about Hillary Swank’s character is that she is afraid of heights.

If you are looking for a film that is semi-cute and fluffy and do not want to give much thought to it than maybe you will find value in New Year’s Eve but there are plenty of semi-cute and fluffy movies out there that are much better. The current film industry is all about dollar signs and because of this movies that feature big name casts and not anything else like this one does will continue to be made as long as they make money. So I guess I am grateful that Bon Jovi sings in this one but my hope is that ‘Labor Day’ will offer much more.

Grade: D-